You know what sucks? That little voice in the back of your head. Do you have one of those? You know, the one that is like….”ohhh girl you cray cray thinking you can touch a sub 3:45 marathon.” Oh, you don’t have one of those?
Well, I have one. And IT WON’T SHUT THE HELL UP. I don’t know what triggered it. But last night something clicked and I am in complete freakout mode.
seriously though. The past few weeks I have been ok. I know that my goal race is getting closer but I also know that I have made the effort. That I have done the training and the hard work. Now I need to rest my legs and more than anything mentally prepare for the race.
Last night the taper hit me. I emailed my coach. Homeboy loves me and my freak out emails. This was a doozy too. A lot of “what’s the game plan” and “we need to talk race strategy” and “I am already number crunching and will keep number crunching….are you sure I shouldn’t do a few more miles or runs.” OVER DRIVE.
I got a response, and way quicker than I anticipated. He pretty much told me to calm the F down, realize I have done the training and hit all the mini-goals he had for me and now I need to work on my mental game and start psyching myself up to stay mentally strong.
This race will hurt. I will be running fast for a long time. I will be pushing myself. No more “I am going to chat your ear off” pace for me. It will be more of a “Dear GOD what is that loud noise?! Oh, just me gasping for air” kind of pace.
I need to prepare myself for that. I need to learn to shut that voice up too. That little bastard telling me I am crazy and I can’t can’t can’t can’t.
Reaistically….. There is a chance I might not get sub 3:35. Yes, I am well aware and I am prepared for that. No matter what happens I know I will come out with a PR. But. I am scared of embarrassing myself. I mean, there are a measly 13 people who read this but for those 13 people, I have been talking about BQing for a long time.
Really… I have been training for this race since the beginning of the year. I didn’t know it at the time, but when 2012 came around I started stepping up my running game. Proof is in my 1/2 marathons I ran in the spring. I ran a lot, I ran hard and I worked my butt off. Yes, the training was completely 100% different from my training now, but now I am just training smarter.
So with all this talk, all this training, all the time and effort and hard work, I am scared that if by chance I don’t get 3:35, I will feel like a fool. I have an ego, I have pride in my hard work and I think a lot of where that little shitty voice comes from is being scared to look like an idiot.
does any of this even make sense!?
do you see what I mean?!
One thing that isn’t running related that I have been loving on lately is everything fall. I know there is a lot of hype about the changing season but fall has always been my favorite season. It meant Field hockey and football. The occasional chai and a nice scarf doesn’t hurt either 😉
I can’t promise that there won’t be any more freak out posts. Actually, I can promise that there will be.
in the meantime I am going to work on shutting up that bastard in my head and upping my mental toughness.
Any ideas on how to do either?